I was welcomed at hells gates I was expecting a little more fire Instead there was a line of people And the body odor was terrible. I looked around to see if I'd see anyone I knew I always get so uncomfortable in lines I hate them actually. Every time I reached the front I would get sent all the way to the back all over again. I got a bad feeling in my gut That this was it This was my Hell. I dug around in my pockets And found a note that said Welcome to Hell. I got so thirsty sitting in that **** line And I kept looking and I saw a water fountain Kind of strange for Hell to have this glorious Culligan Water fountain I knew the water would be so cold and delicious. I walked towards the Water Fountain and went to take a drink And all it did was spray me in the face But the water never was able to quench my thirst. this has always been a fear of mine A Water Fountain spraying me in my face. I was starting to get discouraged coming back and forth from the ****** water fountain back into the horrible stinking line of people. I thought I'd at least be able to get into Hell. It seemed like an eternity before I got to the Gates again And when I finally reached them I was greeted by The Devil Himself He said "Sorry that took so long we got a special place for you here" I looked him up and down And the guy really wasn't wall that scary I mean he had this sinister look to him But nothing like I expected Honestly I was a little disappointed. I asked him where do you got me staying after all these years I'm finally here And I'll be honest I'm not very impressed. No demons No Fire No Heavy Metal Music I don’t even see ****** or Ted Bundy I was really hoping these cats would be here. Honestly this place is pretty dead. Like a really ****** bar that no one wants to be in It's like I’m drinking alone in this Dive Bar. I was just in line with All these ******* people And none of them are here!
Tell me why this is Why did all those people suddenly vanish? And I got in And NO ONE IS HERE!
The Devil looked at me Took my hand And told me congratulations All the other people asked to be saved by Jesus And you just kept standing there praying that you could get into this ******* gate, sit down, and have some water. The Devil pulled up a chair Poured a glass of water And Said Welcome to Hell.
We lit a couple smokes Poured a nice strong glass of Jameson And watched the Gates for the next sucker to fall for the trick.