Mother, do you remember,

Four bare feet in spring grass and the smell of laundry soap?
"When are you gonna have the baby?" I asked as we stood on the crest of that *****.
And you glanced through your lashes at my  face filled with hope.

Then you paused while hanging a dress shirt on the clothes line.
The knowing, closed mouth smile you gave was a favorite of mine.
and you said, "Soon, Sugar." Which with me, was just fine.

Mother, do you remember,

My small, sticky hand grasping the gathers of your familiar skirt?
Never intending for these days to end, curt.
Listening to doves sing of melancholy misfortune,  so overt.

The droning of the box fan, winding through a long afternoon nap?
Gentle breath, whispering chill through my  dampened hair, with my head on your lap.
My knobby knee crooked over your long leg, never wanting to unwrap.

Mother, do you remember,

Dad fresh from work, blowing through the door to kiss your cheek, interrupting the local news?
The lapping of ten content voices at dinner each night,  and the twins in their terrible twos.
You read aloud by the fireplace and I was mesmerized with its oranges and blues.

And Mother, do you remember,

Looking pointedly at me, recognizing I was the youngest in the room?
Beginning The End with "I went to the doctor.." and "..cancer," followed soon.
The shadows continued lengthening, on that evening of lilac perfume.

But Mother, do you remember,

How I returned to the street, roller skates on my feet?
Striding out the last of my innocence, like it was some kind of treat.
Unaware of the worry that swept through in a sheet.

Do you remember,

The lock of your silky hair that dropped from my shocked and trembling hands?

Because I remember,

The quiver of my voice as I whispered my love for you into your unconscious sands

Do you remember,
our Preacher's large hands settling on your head as he prayed for his friend through the night?

Because I remember,
feeling sorrow beyond my years make itself at home and not putting up a fight.

And do you remember,
The way your radiant skin turned grey?
The cool rag on your face wiping the saliva from your chin?
The. unsettling loss of something to say?
The guilt that settled in the place of your husband's grin?

Because I remember,
Acting cheerful until I was alone with the water running.
Sinking to my knees as the sobs ripped through me.
The last time you looked at me, sharp wise eyes so stunning.
Silently confirming what I couldn't bear to see.

Oh Mother do you remember,
how dying felt?

Because I remember,
Witnessing my childhood melt.

Your headstone proclaiming,
"If ever there was a saint, this is she"

Angrily I smeared away the tears that escaped,
disregarding my plea.

Mother, do you remember,
You and I,
Me and you?

Because sometimes,
I hate myself when
I struggle to.