To fill an empty mind
with an emptier stomach.
my brain does not belong to me
it belongs to the creatures who chain my mind
torture my freedom of thought
and cackle at my appetite in their chokey of secrets.
killing my mother friends and lover
with the secrets
they make me keep
locked inside my mind.
i want the smell and taste and texture and idea of food.
i do not want to eat
what i don't deserve.

the guilt sorrow and anger stirs my stew
or lies rumours and inevitable attention seeking.

"attention seeking"
what attention is worth this way?
no fame no fortune
not even beauty.
just disgust.
pure disgust on all parts.

I'm sorry i cause these fights.
I'm sorry you can't love me.
Its not your fault.
I'm sorry you have to look at me.
I'm sorry you see my thighs and stomach.
I'm sorry my broken mind won't let us be.
I'm sorry my lips are sealed.
I'm sorry I can't make you understand.

what could i have done in a past life
to deserve
this body
this mind?