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Jan 2014
im starting to understand it now.
i mean... none of this is truly my fault....
theres nothing to really fear to begin with...
if those who are walking the earth, and those who are in other realms are telling me im safe...
why do i feel so full of fear...
well a few reasons...
its a lot easier to fear something then stand up to it an challenge it...
my body is going through one hell of a mental and emotional detox...
i still dont know how i made it past tuesday...
all who have spoke to me have said that "this shall pass"....
i guess im just not really interested in asking why anymore....
i get the "why"...
i mean...im special...
im light...
im changing.. transforming whatever have you...
not really the type of conversation you want to have at the dinner table with your family...
i guess i can only expect "special" type of people to understand...
yet, im equally curious and anxious about what is next...
which is why im doing my best to simulate peace and or some type of understanding...
i cant describe much the way my hear and stomach feel...
kinda like a little kid who is afraid of their first day of school...
or knows there in trouble... so thy feel like hiding in their bedroom...
truthfully...
i really want to feel better.
i want to feel safe, and relaxed in my own home.. my own environment....
i guess my main goal is to completely stop worrying about what i cant control..
and just focus on what i can...
- grounding
- praying
- laughing
- joking

Addy said to stop being so ******* myself..
that this is a beautiful process...
to wait until im more secure and feel more protected...
i guess thats my main goal..
thinking about work tomorrow...does make me wonder..
like what really is the factor here...
Alexa Oliveira
Written by
Alexa Oliveira  Finland
(Finland)   
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