it stopped being numbers
measurements
the number of hours
spent in refusal

it was sanctuary found
in restriction
disintegration
partially ceasing existence

I liked the way
the earth eclipsed
when I stood and nothing
wanted to hold me

all was slipping through
my hands like blood
the lights went out
I groped the blackened air

my body dragged my mind
a carcass on a rope
I stopped struggling
I let it take me