1/8/14**
my hands will shake as i write this
mostly because of the nicotine
but also because
they miss yours

my head will spin as i write this
mostly because of the nicotine
but also because
i feel alone

lighting a cigarette now has a different meaning
am i smoking to ease my pain?
am i smoking to ease the loneliness?
not anymore

cigarettes have become nicotine packed promises
im promised to miss you even more
im promised to feel it in my head
in my hands
in my legs
in my chest

the smoke that escapes my lips is no longer my troubles leaving me
im promised to feel worse after this
the smoke is like a signature

lighting it is almost me writing out a contract
the cigarette is a promise
i give consent to feeling worse
the smoke signs it for me
because my hands are trembling