being in your own personal prison is so lonely.
I cannot stand the sight of my own body and
it's like there is life trapped inside of a home I am not programmed to love.
chemical imbalances are easy to blame
so instead I focus on that fact that I cannot go longer than 26 hours
without caving into the persistent animal that
lives under my diaphragm.
the loneliest moments of my life
are when I find myself in a dark room
with my clothes off and my demons out to play.
they laugh and they pull at every inch of my collapsing body.
with tears streaming down my face I cup at my stomach and thighs.
it's like I'm screaming
I'm sorry
but actions speak louder than words
so I'm probably whispering.
the structure of temple may be beautiful
but the demons that reside inside
do not agree.
I am not fighting a battle with myself.
I am fighting against myself.
against my flesh and bones.