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Dec 2013
As I stared at the corroded ladder of rust and regret that is the life I call my own, you find your way into my mind once again despite the walls of stone I've piled up to keep you out so that I may sleep in peace and dream of currents that take me out to a sea of wonder and beauty, where indigo waves dance to a choir of dazzling stars orchestrated by the moon, I find myself remembering the way your lips would curve up ever so slightly at the edges as you saw me walk up your driveway with love in my eyes and I remember the pain I withstood as your own met mine with annoyance like looking down a loaded barrel which I soon after found myself considering, but despite the pain in my chest that struck with each intake of breath I held strong to the belief that there was something worth waiting for just around the corner of this street so littered with mistakes, bloodied doorways, broken mailboxes and boarded up remains of what were once church windows, the path upon which I tread was as broken as I, awash with the brown and green of shattered beer bottles, and with each step I took to a chorus of crepitations I came to realise a little bit more that this was wrong, this was not the path for me, or at least not the one upon which I could wear a smile with the hope of looking out at the world with love in my eyes again, you see I was not resigned to the occupation of an angry old drunk spouting abuse at any who wandered too close, I was not content to such a lifestyle, no I was not content to such failure, so I found the corner and now I climb a different ladder, one lacking poorly made decisions bred out of a sorrow so deep it was evident in every stolen glance, I'm climbing with hope in my battered heart, and though I fear to fall, I know now that I will land in safety netting strung by the desire to stay alive and see a pair of lips curve up ever so slightly at the edges once more as I walk down a driveway with love in my eyes, I have faith that I can climb this ladder to its peak and cry out in amazement as the sun lights the sky and the earth awakens around me, as though some unseen artist takes up his palette of petals, the likes of which set autumn ablaze, and with each brushstroke a new story begins as seeds take root and fears dissipate in the mind I now have no horror of traversing, thoughts form and drift lazily through my mind like a crows feather on a still lake, I stand tall among the clouds made up of arms ready to embrace me should I fall, I find tears in my eyes once more, and yet unlike those salty droplets of sea foam sadness that fell to crimson wrists, these sparkle in the rays of stellar dust that warm my cheeks, for they are shed with joy, unknown to me until such a time as now, when the blood in my veins no longer needs to stain my skin red and my flesh once withered, is now pure, unimpeded by urges spawned from despair of forever living in darkness, I survived the darkness, and I have found the light, I take one last look at the corroded ladder of rust and regret that was my life... And I finally take the first and last step towards truly living, I have no more need of ladders.
Samuel Alexander
Written by
Samuel Alexander  Australia
   Emma Chatonoir
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