i find it kind of humorous how i'm so broken, so messed up inside that everyone has given up on me.
they told me they would be by my side all through recovery. almost a year has passed and they're just now realizing my illness cannot be veiled by medication. that my demise was a part of my life. i still wake up screaming, running away from monsters just to wake up and face them in the daylight.

i'd rather be alone than to forgive people. or at least apologize. they hurt me and it's my fault for letting them get so close. i am a mistake. paralyzed by the inability to socialize, to love, to be happy. i just can't do this.

no one else is around because i pushed them away. so i deserve this.