My doctor told me to find a more healthy way to release my stress. She said that taking two hours to fall asleep every night was rather unhealthy. So, she told me to come home and to write about the things that relax me. Here we are.
Every day a thousand things run through my mind. I can't breathe because school sits on my shoulders. My job crushes me slowly and my family physically causes me pain. But through so many foggy images I can see you through them all. I can reach out and almost touch you even when I am alone in my room and I cannot get up because the panic has literally crushed me. You are there in the simplest way. The few moments in my life when I think the only way out is to let the weight of the world crush me entirely I can feel you. The times that everything is in pieces and I am vulnerable and on the floor of my bedroom sobbing, you happen to walk in. You physically pick me up and you carry me to safety. A bath and you will bathe me and you will hold me and I will collapse and you will support me. You carry me to my bed and put on a vinyl and a candle and you clean my room because it being ***** stresses me out. You turn the lights off and the fans on and you consume me in your warmth. You kiss the demons away and you strip off the suffocating clothing on me. You make love to me and you wipe away terrible tears and you drench me in your love. The seconds become minutes and minutes are now hours and you spend what is almost days with me in my bed wrapping your body around mine. I cannot breathe still but now it is the best kind of breathlessness. The kind that happens when you see heaven in the eyes of a human and your life is paused while you try to remember how it all happened. I am crushed still but now with the weight of your love. But there is no pain. None. Only the most beautiful feeling my small body has ever felt. And in the moments of bedroom bliss I am free. I am free of those things that eat at me and those thoughts that stress me to tears. With you I am free.