What nerve, to think i don't deserve what I tell everyone else they do.
Behind my mirage, love to sabotage everything that could bring me to-
all the stars i wished upon when I was just a little girl
inside of me I hear her scream for me as I deprive her again and again.
There I am talking it out again in therapy.
It all makes sense when i can hear it from outside of my head.
When I'm left alone with it in the moment, I fall right back
It's sad to me that it took you loving me to see that i was worthy. Why couldn't I prove that to myself?
It's not that, I've never received a compliment, but my anxieties just see fake niceties and i write it off again and again and again.
What guts, it took to deem myself to be ******* nuts when i know good and well I'm a victim of abuse. My lifelong shame.
Not the kind that on my skin would leave a bruise, but the kind that makes me want to wrap myself in a noose to alleviate the pain.
Here I am talking it out again in therapy.
Nothing I've done feels notable despite what people tell me.
Somehow your love projected something onto me that pried my eyes open to see.
It's sad to me that it took you loving me to see that i was worthy. Why couldn't I prove that to myself?
It's not that, I've never received a compliment, but my anxieties just see fake niceties and i write it off again and again and again.
With awakened eyes I navigate this life a little differently. There's this guilt I carry deep inside for the way I've treated me. My inner child, such a sweet girl, I couldn't bare it, so much life and so much merit, you pointed it out, and i feared it, so much I acted like i couldn't hear it.
Maybe I trust your judgment so deeply I redefined myself.
Your words rained on me and washed away pain I stored on the deepest darkest shelf, but you shed a light on it so brightly so I could no longer hide, and it brought me pain and discomfort but then allowed me to come alive.