I Didn't Know

I didn't know and

I couldn't understand

Anything about myself.

I couldn't see through and

Never had tools,

Pitch dark and wandering by stars.

I didn't know and

I couldn't understand

Social rules, quiet cues, or how

Became my "muse".

An island

A shipwreck

Adrift at sea

I didn't know and

I couldn't understand

My forsaken longing for true connection,

Or what you meant

When you said

"Stop painstakingly crafting your prose as if you must earn my attention"

Scouring

Half blind

For the unloved part of me.

I didn't know and

I couldn't understand

My desperate diversity.

Shackles clattered free with every blackout pour

Each line a rush of promises I knew would rot

Filled myself to forget nothing was ever there,

Expanding the hollow before it even had a name.

I didn't know and

I couldn't understand

I was heaving the empty unknowing alone,

An anchor keeping me drowned.

With no practice feeling, I stood

Petrified to appear the fool,

I didn't know and

I couldn't understand.

After numbing for years

I finally learned and finally healed,

This quiet apology is not an excuse

Only late recognition from my old recluse.

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