Any easy feeling falls over me,
As the realities of the next few months, years perhaps,
Culminate,
So ive relaxed .  ..
.. .. .. solitary,
Can be hard,
But .. it what it is,
And I guess Im .. .. ..
Lucky ..
..
I dont owe anyone a thing,
Except my family,
Banks,
Credit facilities ... ...
But that's all it is,
Eventually ... I'll be able to leave,
Find a safe place for family .. or .. just .. me ?
.. .. ..
Death doesn't phase me,
And i would have been more than happy to D.I.E..
.. .. .. .. but I realised,
It shouldn't be me,
.. .. I shouldn't pay,
For others choices made,
And they made a choice,
A long time ago,
To force me to show ... ...
.. .. the possibilities ..
.. .. .. for humans like me,
If they live in a place that .. .. .. doesn't need destructive tendencies.. ..
.. .. .. .. this place doesn't exit for me,
.. .. .. sometimes .. I wish it did .. .. ..
.. but I doubt it ever will,
.. .. .. .. I cant do more than take pills,
And be at the whim of evil people .. .. .. that will never let me heal .. .. or be more than ..
.. .. .. on government payment,
All because their time spent,
Was to make sure the  reality .. .. ..
.. .. .. was to destroy everything good in me.
.. ..
..
.
.