uncomfortable itching skin
wooly sweater clung around
my neck. closed fist around my
chest. tip-toeing, balancing
upon eggshells around myself.
unwilling to utter the two
syllables. thoughts tugging on
leash, restricted corners too
dangerous for venture. fear
of the uncomfort, of acceptance.
but there are times where
self-control is out of reach
where it strays, undetected.
heaviness of slumber suppresses
barriers, finding my way
back to you. and for those
eight hours i find me
in your arms, dancing to
jazz tunes. and for those
eight hours you lips taste
of peppermint and cigarettes.
and for those eight hours
i finally feel the comforting
warmth of your voice and
the musical tones of your
laughter.

to my dismay, the sun
ultimately rises and time
comes that i must wake once
again. brief moments of normality
and confined happiness. once again
the cold sinks in and
my chest concretes, lump
in throat and strained vocal
chords. once again i
find myself on the ledge of sanity
and hysterics. and then i
realize i've always been
this way.