13 years old
12 remarks about suicide
11 red marks on your wrists
10 hugs
9 unread messages
8 breakdowns
7 FaceTime calls
6 worried thoughts
5 fingernail marks on your skin
4 painkillers
3am trying to keep you alive
2 times I thought you were dead
1 more weight on my shoulders

I was too young to be responsible for your emotional state.
I didn't deserve it.
You didn't deserve it.
It hurt to watch you hurt yourself.
It hurt to watch you starve yourself,
Slowly watching your clothes get bigger.
Everyday showing up with new self inflicted wounds,
One thought ran through my mind.
“It's all your fault.”
All I wanted was for you to feel better.
I still see you sometimes,
I still greet you with a friendly wave.
But you'll never know what you took from me all those years ago.