I spend a lot of time feeling like I'm not good enough
I thought I would outgrow that feeling
but I've learned that the childhood bullies
grow up to be judgemental adults
Instead of making fun of your looks
they make fun of the way you parent
the career you chose or didn't choose
They judge the religion that brings you comfort
yet for them brings so much anger
You get judged for having ***
You get judged for not having ***
You get judged for having children
You get judged for not having children
You get judged for wanting to have fun
You get judged for wanting to stay at home
You get judged for how you cope with mental stress
yet I've noticed you got all of these people with "advice"
but none of them are nowhere close
to having it all together
The relationship "experts" get divorced every two years
The parenting "experts" can't even tell you
the last time they saw their kids
The religious ones can't see that they're as imperfect
as the rest of us
Sometimes all it takes is one mean comment
on an already bad day to send me to my bedroom
crying into my pillow as if I'm thirteen all over again
only this time instead of my weight being the topic
it's how much money I don't make
How immature I'm being because I don't have a baby on my hip
or a rock on my finger
How inexperienced I am because I didn't black out in a club
when I was twenty or open my legs to any man
who wanted me when they wanted me
Instead I've been fighting a war inside my head
because sometimes I can't get out of bed due to clinical depression
I've been strict on who has access to my body
because every time you **** somebody
they take a piece of you whether you want to admit it
to yourself or not
I chose not to have kids right away
because even though I will be thirty next year
I can still barely take care of myself
The pressure can be too much
After ten years I still find myself craving a cold razor
on my skin just to relieve some emotional stress
that I'm sorry therapy doesn't always take away
I'm tired of wasting my life trying to live up to other people's
unrealistic expectations including my own
I wish I could go back to the days where my only concern
was avoiding the girl at school who made fun of me
for repeating outfits because I couldn't afford new clothes
At least I knew I had time to grow into the butterfly
I thought I was meant to be
For now I'm still a caterpillar waiting for her wings
I hope when they arrive people will be too stunned
by their beauty to make any more judgements
Wouldn't that be nice