I'm undercover
​​​​​​spying on myself
Im in the trenches
Studying self

Relapse called
so I answered
or so relapse thinks
I'm pretending

Here now
at the bar
sober and ordering soda
Looking around

Focusing on
all the people
wondering why it is
So comforting

Really pathetic
as I watch
everyone drown their sorrows
With alcohol

Relapse suspicious
Knowing that I'm
not even buzzed yet
Sudden change

I order
another drink quickly
chugging my first one
Acting normal

This mission
is super successful
because I'm surrounded by
Deadly temptation

I remain
loyal to myself
realizing I want to
Forever change

We must
study ourselves thoroughly
in order to implement
Sustainable change

I want
to keep learning
earning my progress properly
Battling pain

Relapse lost
this familiar battle
my only hope is
To teach

​​​​​Documenting everything
I experiment with
to find real solutions
That work

Others suffer
just as bad
if not, even worse
Truthfully speaking

Strength required
to accept yourself
when you feel worthless
It's difficult

First step
among many more
many exercises I did
To help

I'll document
this whole journey
I'll post my battles
And victories

With honesty
the good, bad
and the ugly, all
To relate

Mental-Health
a curable cancer
but not by medicine
But rather

With love
with caring compassion
with acceptance and understanding
With reflection

With battling
with self-studying
with desired change wanted
And motivation

With __
still to be
determined and self-discovered
To be..........