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Oct 2021
Maybe She was only three or six or eight somewhere in between. tell your version, vindicate it She was more grown up and hard to deal with. She was at least thirteen and hard to keep in. Rewind the film then repeat it. Talk of how she was a little princess you were devout devoted. You built her strong hold on your own. Worked until your hands were bruised and bleeding. You constructed her an entire kingdom. But didn’t make the time to upkeep it. Maybe when She was seventeen a mom to be. But still in need of life lesson plans, a little guidance on what she was seeking, leaving the nest she just wanted teaching on how to make a haven her daughters could feel safe in.
Your intentions were deceiving. You held the blueprints that she needed. And your bitterness or pride made you hold that deep inside. No warning sign no goodbye. Not a word or a single sign. Abandonment without closure. left them all behind.  Tell me why? Give me a reason?

my threshold fell crashed around me. Shook the ground and the whole earth felt the reverberations. Consequence for choices I didn’t get a chance to choose myself.  Every crease and cave and canyon could feel the anguish. The only exception being her father he was blind to loving. And opposed emotion. Loathed the thought of being open, he’d rather leave then give an explanation. Turn a blind eye shut the blinds and close the door tight.
every time you’d go the echoes screamed and cried give me a reason. How could you leave me. I just needed something to believe in
That something was some what of a hoax
Turns out dads are actually ghost. They haunt you with their silence.

It’s My turn to wear that invisible cloak raging wars running down the hallways Ripping the pictures off the wall frames. Breaking windows till the breath runs out of me can you feel the breeze screaming through the curtains and crevices of this so called homestead.

I’m there to haunt you. You couldn’t give a reason. Let you reminisce and regret all the photographs and reruns you dented and depleted.  I set them on fire as I poured the gasoline around me and everything else I wasn’t supposed to be. A lonely witch disguised as princess day dreams. Bound by the lies the outside couldn’t see. It was a lot more like a nightmare to me. What’s the reason? Now everything that once was. Is nothing more than ashes and tar black *******.


Now I close my eyes lusterless as I rest in the undercoft of holy weakness. Dry bones draped in graceful garnments pearls and pleating. Now you can fall to your knees. Asking what’s the reason with every passing of the season. when the night air is as cold as my being. tears dropping crash down like your freezing flakes of treason. Your betrayal was arbitrary but I still believed it. I was so much more than my destiny by design. but I was bleeding from a battle that had no meaning. I was cursed before I was breathing. I couldn’t live while I was grieving.
Doomed until I befriended all my demons.   Conjured and crafted a sanctuary in all the darkness.
Extracted from the ribs of a fortress once defeated. I sang life into my corpse. crowned myself queen of my own curse. I used the chains that were meant to hold me to connect all my reasons. I use them as the leashes for my guard dogs to my keep my creations safe in.
A place some call my imagination. But in all actuality it’s a place of authenticity. A home that my princesses are safe and sound, not caged in a castle but free to roam and dance around. They know their magic, and they can control it. They are creators, and confident in their own skin. Mamas proud and they always know it. I took my own life to give them a chance to live in an existence they could feel complete and whole in. A life that they don’t need nor notice any vacancies. Here we don’t have a use for any unwanted unnecessary ghosts.
JustHayy
Written by
JustHayy  25/F
(25/F)   
41
 
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