I wish I could pretend
Like my heart wasn't hurting the way it is
When I'm alone
An anchor
We've, I've heard you described
As what was once an anchor on me

It is so hard to imagine
You living down the street
Gazing out the 7th floor windows
Enjoying the balcony
The bathtub I would have bathed in
The candle I bought
The orchid
I wonder how she grows
Or if you threw my pack of **** away
And if your heart hurts
Aches even
When you are alone
Too.

It didn't work out between us
I ended up living here in Echo Park
Much longer than I
I once thought we
Intended
And sometimes I feel real embarrassed about that
Sometimes I feel angry, every feeling
As I blocked you out one final time
Feeling so tired of like
I was the person uninvited
I was the person who's invitation got taken away
But then again
It was you who first tried to put back on your pants
And leave the downtown hotel room.

I'm not the same person anymore
I'm not super sure who I am becoming now
Sometimes I feel like I love and like who I'm becoming
So very much
With a zeroed in focus on healing
Self work, self care, self focus
Every time I take a hit of **** for the first time
I feel relieved there is no one around to judge me for it
And I'm realizing more and more
What I want
What I deserve
Who I am
Who I am becoming
What my goals are.

You moved all the way back to LA
Just to let me go.

Does your heart ache
Does your heart hurt
When you too are alone?