When the weekends arrive
Particularly on pacific coast time
I remember how you'd say you'd scoop me up
Take me to your place in Venice for a time.

It became our place
You moved there for a moment
To sweeten my heart
And we all just fell apart
In the end.

My weekends here now
The silence feels so loud
My living situation is not what I wanted
Not what I planned
Not what I hoped for.

And I cried to my therapist
Said nearly everything ugly
I'd thought about myself
And you
Since you stopped choosing me.

I don't know why
You keep that picture of me
On your Instagram page
Or the pictures of us
Where we did our best
To live and love.

I wonder where you are now
Watch your life proceed without me
From a far distance
As your following and follower count grows
But I can't even see it
Because you have your profile set on private.

I compare and contrast myself
To all your supposed friends
And wonder if you miss me
As badly as I do you.

We spoke of you coming and finding me again
I never thought there would be such loud
Profound silence
Between the two of us
And I wonder if we will ever meet again.

I'm not happier without you
Is the truth
And I wish so much
You could remeet me now
Take me out of this tiny apartment
In Echo Park
Let's build the life we dreamed
No more just fantasies.

Let's build the life we dreamed please.

So I shake off the dust
The dust I inflict upon myself
Close the old chapter
Where this time last year I was not who I am now
And continue to grow and get better
At not absorbing
The opinions, emotions, and energy of others
And give myself permission
To grow.

Perhaps in time
Perhaps in time
The weekends are always the most painful
Long black cotton dress
The way you kissed my neck
Our love was real
Our love is real.