"I'll just suffer" became my catch phrase because I learned from you that if I ask for help I will not recieve it. In it's stead I will recieve unkind words, judgment and beratement for all the things I already acknowledged my failure in and already feel bad enough about. That burden is acid in my mouth, it's the reason I can't sleep at night. Knowing that if I come to you for help another obstacle will fall before me.

I have learned that I can't turn to my parents to help or be proud of me. You will never be my encouragement or my acceptance. In your stead I have to turn to my friends, to their parents. Because you simply will not bring me to the surface when I'm drowning. You let me sink and tell me to drown so I know how bad it hurts. So instead I will reach my hands to those who will pull me above the water and teach me how to swim and keep afloat.

You're selfish, it's something I have to live with. You think that because you have suffered that others can't. And when they haven't suffered enough they can't desire or seek help. You are allowed to run away and escape the pressure but you force me to take it all on my shoulders. You are the rock and chain that drowns me.