these are the moments you don't tell anyone about
you can't tell anyone about
the moments where you no longer become understood
and you're innermost desire becomes just a desire
just something unreachable
when sometimes people say you are deserving
and other times people say you are not
when someones you say you are deserving
and other times you say you are not
situations wehre  am stuck,
where I'd like the warm patience I once heard again
the situations I can't speak about
when the answer from the world is to be on your own
when longing for care is no longer an option
things become blurred when I feel this way
because somehow the hope and belief I had falters
the wish that I could be held gingerly, be held gently
so I can be tough on myself comes to ruins
and once again, I must be the only one to care for myself
to be kind to myself
to be sweet to myself
when in my head I see the logical conclusions
of how material life is easier for my loves without me
these are the thoughts I dare not speak often
where I know my nonexistence makes it easier for others
I know the sun moves on and others still live and die with or without me
I know things would be much different without me
for them and maybe for me
these moments where if my loves were to see me
think pitiful pathetic things
if they were to read these things
think pitiful and pathetic things of me
no one lovable anymore
these situations must not arise to the ones I love
I am no one's daughter
I am no one's lover
I am no one's friend
I am no one's burden
I am no one's responsibility