4.
I open my Excel spreadsheet
named "GAMEPLAN"
and stare at it.
I am trying to remember
the last time I played
a game
and won.
I cannot.
I close the spreadsheet
and use my arms
to hold myself
together.
I am unsure as to why
I feel compelled to
plan the next decade
of my life
when I've let the past
two decades
pass
me
by.