And we didn't even talk about anything real

And when you kissed me it felt so sad,
and I was difficult to dismiss,
But thought hey at least I'm with him and I have something to feel.

And after we had ***, you fell asleep and I stayed awake watching Ancient Aliens.
And when I looked over at you,
faraway and safe in your own world,

Where you didn't carry the burden
of feeling forced to talk to anyone about anything that is actually real,
not in this outside paradigm but the realest thing you have,

what is lulled in your heart,
that which you hold so close and so coveted and so hidden
and I knew you were gone.

And I saw then that you have been gone for a long time,
that you tucked your heart back into it's secret hiding place a long time ago.
And maybe when I found it back then,

I didn't know the preciousness of what I had,
and maybe you didn't know if you could trust me to possess it
or maybe I never found your heart at all,

way back then your heart was still just where you left it

All I have now is that look in your eyes when you tell me you can't stay
when I reach for your hand and you brush it away
A lesson learned in love, may it never again feel so cold

And if I ever run across that look I found in your eyes again,

I would sooner sell it to the devil then give away my soul