Man like monster with A mouth as a spinning wheel of hands/ Prey between teeth
One game of chess away from losing my Mind/biting my head off
Man like wolf bleeding between gums Man looking like both survival and the gun between it. Boy looking like boy in mans body
Another poem about falling in love with dangerous people
Failing to see how they resemble every single red light you’ve ignored
Leaving home On the plane In the car to the airport
My blood cold, my gut sucker punched into submission
Could feel the well of grief somewhere inside of me Like I would just Sink Sink Sink And never hit the bottom
A penny in a well makes a sound The penny inside me finally drops
And I crack like a mule at the whip Like birds at dawn or spring
Staying up so late I never dream
The part of the puzzle I get wrong is; fitting everything inside out and calling it beautiful/ He tries to put it back together but I tie his hands back with my tongue Call it a game/
One where I’m safest where there are no hands And eyes To hold me to my promises Love me into submission My failed potential
The shame that filled every corner of my body How it grew till it could not fit anymore
The year of empty How it became a larger and hungrier thing,
Larger than the men in my nightmares.
The silver we couldn’t melt, whispers over a fever and forehead. When adults are talking you pretend you don’t understand
But you keep secrets locked up inside yourself
I still dream of war Have never been on a battle ground.
They call it generational trauma ,
I say,
You don’t know the hand holding the gun to my head What the trigger is made out of is my own flesh and blood
There are things I can’t speak of
Things I will not say but this:
I was wearing a ruffled blue top with a unicorn logo and jeans
I didn’t have any hair down there
Then I did
I liked how it felt
and then I didn’t
There is no place inside of me that can hold these two truths and not split wide open