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Mar 23
I feel like there’s something dormant in me
That I can’t seem to wake up
But sometimes when you touch me
It’s like hitting my funny bone

I feel a turbulence
I feel a ghost
I feel something
Trying to fight
To be acknowledged

I’ve done so much recovering
I’ve come so far
I’ve fought so much
But here we are

In your bed
Curled up to the edge
You try to comfort me
But I’m not hearing it

What is it?
What is it?
What is it?
What’s wrong?

Why can’t I figure it out
And then move on?

I don’t understand
What the problem is
But I feel something
Occupying my head

It’s strange to feel full
When you haven’t ate
So why am I so upset
When I am somewhere so safe?

I don’t understand
I don’t understand
I tried writing that night
But I couldn’t understand

I picked up my phone
And stared at a blank note
I tried a few words
But only wrote,
“What’s wrong with me?”
And over I rolled

I went to the bathroom
I crawled out of my skin
My fist hit my thigh
But I don’t know why I did it

How infuriating
To feel so disturbed
And not know what it is
That’s making me hurt

I feel like there’s something
In the back of my head
Determined to pull me
Back down to the depths

I’ve recovered so much
I’ve put in the work
I have more to do
And there will always be more

I am at peace with that,
But for now I am upset
I feel like there’s screaming in my mind
But I can’t really hear it

All I hear tonight
Is static and clips
Little fragment
I am a tiny shard

I wake up tomorrow
I will wake up tomorrow
I wake up tomorrow
And tomorrow will come

Tomorrow
Today
Yesterday
Tomorrow

The days
happen
Happened
Happening

I happen all around them

I wonder when
I will wake up
Present?

Without one foot in tomorrow
Without one foot in yesterday
Without happening to fall
Somewhere in between

When will I wake up
Next to you
And feel again?

This numbness frightens me
You hit my funny bone
And it tingled
It reacted

But funny bones only feel funny
For a few moments in time
I’ve been reeling for days
And I feel like I’m fumbling around
Dancing around
The edge of something
B I G

Why can’t whatever it is
Just wake up
And let me feel it?
Lost
Written by
Lost  21/NH
(21/NH)   
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