I want you to be unsure of
the words you want to say,
because I know I sure as hell am.
I’d rather live half way in the past
than lose something I never had.
And don’t you dare call me a coward
just because I’m scared to write these words.
You can’t love me.
You’re not allowed to love me.
I won’t let you.
Because you deserve the ocean
and I can only offer droplets.
Slipping sand right through my fingers,
crumbling rock beneath my feet.
Every glowing star goes dim
when your eyes reflect their light.
And I can’t stomach hopeful answers
from even more hopeful lips, but I will try.
I will try.
I will try to grow new gardens
from ancient soil in my heart.
Perhaps this time it’s ready,
perhaps it will spread through every limb.
And you might say I’ve jumped
right into the deep end,
but it’s the only way I know how to swim.