and then i'm sitting there
in some grey waiting room
with those same old chairs from some office catalog
waiting for my name to be called
and then I'm there telling a stranger about
how i was exposed to it at the age of 6
wanted to **** myself by 7
because the numbers on the box were too high
was told my friend was ***** by 12
wished she would just be put out of her suffering by 13
outed and excluded by 14
and about to commit by 15, cold and alone

and then rather apathetically
things moved on
i grew up
moved
changed
and it weighed me down less
but it still sits there at the back
like dust you just can't shift

now i'm sitting here with my fingers crossed
that they'll sweep it away
and things will keep moving on
even apathetically