To think of it now,
I think that
We would’ve been happy.
To think of it now,
I think that
If we’d stayed as we were
And if we’d allowed ourselves
To keep loving
That tonight
I’d lie in the circle of your arms
Telling you the story of how we met again.
It used to be your favorite.
I’d tell you
All about how I fell in love with you
And how each day that love
Only grew stronger.
Further, I think.
I think that if you were here
Despite the distance
That has stretched between us since then
I would tell you
How I never stopped loving you
How I never even dared
I would tell you how I missed you
And how I found my lips
Curving upward at the mention of your name
And how I remembered you
So much of you, always
How I always felt a piece of me missing
In all of the days spent without you
I would tell you
The way I told so many when my heart was broken
Of your eyes
Your laugh
Your arms when you held me
The way you breathed life into me
The way you loved me.
To tell that story now,
Well
You should hear it.
You should’ve heard it that night.
How I cried and asked my mother
How
How is it that you can love someone
So completely after so many years
How is it possible
For that pain to live on so long?
She had no answer,
But I did.
It was in all of my memories of you.
The way I wrote everything down
From the moment we met
I wrote it all down.
Every glance and touch
Every joke and heartbeat
I wrote everything
Because I never wanted to forget
To lose those moments
So I wrote it all
And I spent my days thinking of you
Spent my nights dreaming of you
Spent every day wanting you
And chasing you
I loved you
From the second I met you
I was in love with you.
I was in love with your eyes the first day
When I looked up at you finally and paused
When I said
Why are you looking at me that way
And you couldn’t answer
I loved you when you grabbed my hands
And pulled me to dance with you
No one else was around
And I didn’t think jeans were all that beautiful
But I didn’t mind it with you
I loved you
When you looked at me like you couldn’t get enough
When you held me like you wanted to absorb me into your skin
When you held my hands against you
And looked into my eyes and promised me
Forever
Forever was how long you’d love me
Forever was how long you’d need me
Forever was the amount of time you’d spend
Endlessly chasing my soul
Into the darkest of nights
Forever
Was the promise I held onto
Like stardust in my fists
And I loved you
I loved you when you cried in my arms
When you needed my insight
When you were upset with me or confused
I loved you when forever was too big of a promise
When you were uncertain
Or when I was blinded by my own hurt
I still loved you
I loved you when I told you I didn’t
I loved you when I told you I did
I loved you when you breathed into me again
Only for a moment but that moment gave me hope
And purpose
And a fire struck within me at your words
And I swore to myself
Swore to the universe and whatever god lives
That I would love you for an eternity
That I would love you whether you ever returned or not
That I would love you until the sun died
The earth grew cold
And my limbs grew grey and cracked
I would love you beyond time
Beyond life
I would love you several lives over
Because loving you was not a fleeting thing
But a permanent one.
A heavy hitting
One in a million
Soul gripping
Heart shattering
Exquisite thing
It was alive and breathing
And vibrant
Loving you was color
And even my brokenness without you
Was beautiful
See
I loved you
For all of the times that were sweet
And innocent and pure and magic
But I also loved you
When everything hurt
When all was dark and pain
When I wished I didn’t
I loved you.
And I love you now.
Those moments of pain
Both trivial and monumental
I look back on them now
With fondness in my heart
Because we were so young
The two of us so overwhelmed by the love we felt
We were so young and naive then
But my god
Did I love you
And how I wish
I’d met you later
How I wish I’d known you
After knowing myself
How I wish you’d have come
After I’d discovered how to love myself first
After I realized my own worth
If only I’d known you
Later
Maybe
I would have gotten the chance
To love you
Longer