I’m so tired of watching my phone hoping that every notification reads your name.

The calls are few and far between but when my screen says your name, i can’t say no. Because in that moment, though you will never admit, you missed me.

You thought of me long enough to call.

But not when i try. Just on your time.

And yet i still try, just to get no response.

So i throw myself in to something better, someone better - who does everything I want and more without even knowing it because that is just how they are.

But you’ve just become part of the problem. You’ve added to the list of reasons why i’m confident no one will stick around.

That when texts go unanswered it is not for the rational - it is because i’m annoying and too much to handle - even though i know that isn’t true.

But I still throw myself head first because you never know until you try

Things finally start to feel normal. You feel like yourself. You feel the thoughts and the memories fading into the background - and you’re okay.

You are comfortably letting go.

But then you call. And the vicious cycle begins again.

We rewind and restart but the tape in this film is wearing thin from the amount of times it has been spun.

And i’m tired. In every sense of the word. And I want to be done.

But i know one day your name will no longer frequent my screen - and the world will not end-- and I will learn to live life as if you did not exist.