How do you cleanse a soul
                      That wants so much
Yet is given nothing.
                                   Cry those tears
Say those words
                                                                   Allow yourself to feel.
Well when that happens
                                 Those emotions crash like a wave
Wow,
          Who know it was possible to feel like this?

Well I have,
                    my entire life
Back to square one,
                                this relentless self-worth
No one's felt back,
                              that useless desire
So why should I bother to let myself feel?
            It always ends the same
Back in this spot,
                            Weapon poised straight in hand.
Maybe this is all I'm meant to be.
            A strange person behind a name
                                             and a pen.
There is no where left to turn
                       No one left to call
So what happens now
                                     When I feel even less than before
                                     When there's nothing to look forward too
No,
        Not anymore.
I turn my back on nothing,
                                    Just let it slide
Return if you want,
                                I can spare no more effort.
These things never have validation
                               So I wait for the first move
For someone to show
                                  that yes I'm Intriguing
                                                      Interesting
                                       Though quiet.
To show me that it's possible.
                              That I'm not just a laugh riot.
But that's how this faded,
                        How time has passed
                                               but there is no real change.
Without acting upon desires,
                                                my feels,
                                                                 my concrete thoughts.
I let others influence
                          Allow their words to sink in
Sometimes this is good.
                                      But when you know what you want
Just go for it.
                     There will be no regret,
Because at least you tried.
             Right now I see no reason to try try, try.
I'll wait a little longer
                        Until this knot in my throat
Finds somewhere else to hide.


**July 15, 2013