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Nov 2020
why am I like this
the question he asks himself every minute of every day
the flaws in his mind
the imperfections on his body
all the scars
the marks
the silence in his words
the pain in his eyes

why am I alive
the second question to cycle through his neverending stream of questions never to be answered
not even a feeble effort of a half assed answer coming to mind
no positives to continuing this hell of pain and regret on repeat
like your favorite record, scratched and stuck in one position for the rest of eternity
never going forward
only back

why don't I just end it?
the first question he finally has an answer to
an easy solution for the first time in his life

I will.
he says aloud knowing there is nobody around to hear him
and if there was who would care?
why don't I swallow these pills
why don't I finish this drink
why don't I load the gun with 6 in the chamber playing his favorite version of Russian roulette
one with no loser
a final answer to the prominent questions

why don't I?
no pain, no anger
no hurt, no pressure
and with the gun to his head one final question
attacking the surface of his mind
like a trapped animal fighting for survival

why didn't I do this sooner.
and he pulls.
Bradyn McCall
Written by
Bradyn McCall  21/M/Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
(21/M/Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania)   
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