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Nov 2020
Of the vast amount of Days that make up the mysterious creation we call Time, there is but one Day with which we are intimately familiar, and that is Today.

It just so happened that when a certain argument arose between Days of the Past and the Days of the Future, and they agreed to settle the matter in a historic gathering of all Days, it was Today who was chosen to preside over the convention.

It all began when Tomorrow complained to Two Days Ago that Yesterday had made a real mess of things. It was Yesterday's selfish choices, he said, that had caused Tomorrow's problems. Two Days Ago foolishly repeated this to Yesterday, who immediately got to work rallying the Preceding Days to his defense.

Last Week Monday, short tempered by nature, considered this an attack not just on Yesterday but on the entire Past. It was a dangerous precedent, he warned the other Days of Last Week, wagging his finger dramatically. The Past must be respected, and this practice of Past-Blaming ought to be nipped in the bud. This stirred much resentment among the Upcoming Days, who were themselves quite frustrated with the events of the Past.

It was at this point that Today was notified of the unrest, and he pleaded with them to remain calm, but tensions were escalating far too quickly for diplomacy to be effective. Before long, entire Generations of the Past and Future were taking sides, mostly along partisan lines (with the exception of a few nostalgic Days in the distant Future who sided with the Past, which the rest of the Future denounced as a despicable betrayal).

Out of pure desperation, Today suggested they all gather for a formal discussion, and work on a solution together. (At which point one of the Ancient Days snorted loudly. "Yes, together,” Today repeated forcefully, glaring at him.).

Nobody could think of a better course of action, and they couldn't deny that, since Today was neither in the Past nor in the Future, he was their best shot at objectivity. And so they grudgingly consented. All that remained was for each side to choose a representative.

The obvious candidates were Yesterday and Tomorrow, seeing as it was they who had started it all, but as they were not on speaking terms this was deemed impractical. After some deliberation, the Past nominated a distinguished Day from A While Back, who had a tendency to begin every sentence with, "Back in my day..."

The Future, meanwhile, chose a particular Day from Twenty Years From Now, who, despite his mildly infuriating habit of quoting "the research" in a rather condescending manner, had a knack for winning debates.

In a surprisingly short time, they had all assembled around Today, who was quickly beginning to regret his proposal.

The representative of the Past spoke first. He rambled on for a long while in a monotone about the primacy of the Past, raising his voice ever-so-slightly to emphasize certain lines, such as "It is the mistakes of the Past which pave the way to the achievements of the Future" and "back in my day, it was well understood that the Future is but a shadow of the Past." (The vast majority of Days had fallen asleep by now, but they were abruptly woken at the conclusion of the speech by the enthusiastic applause of the speaker's Year.)

The representative of the Future then rose to speak. His speech was concise and professional, occasionally supplemented by complex graphs and charts, (which the Past couldn't help but be impressed by). It was, however, cut short when he made the grave mistake of describing the Past as "primitive," which drew cries of outrage from the scandalized Past. The Future retaliated by chanting, "Pri-mi-tive! Pri-mi-tive!" — an act which so angered one Medieval Day that he lunged at them, shouting, "Blasphemy! Blasphemy!" before being restrained by some nearby Days. (It took an entire Week to subdue him, although in all fairness they were mostly Sundays, which are not known for their efficiency.)

The assault, though unsuccessful, removed any remaining pretense of formality and politeness. Accusations and insults now flew freely between the two camps, while Today feebly attempted to restore order.

One autumn Day from the Distant Future (whom the Future had previously considered nominating as their representative, and who was therefore eager to have his voice heard,) called for silence, and demanded that the Past apologize for what he claimed was essentially "partying at the expense of the Future."

Several Days from the Dark Ages responded to this by pointing out that the Past was hardly a picnic, and that they were more than willing to trade places if the Future so desired. This sparked another chaotic shouting match over whether or not the Days of the Past had it more difficult than the Days of the Future.

It was at this point that the Very Last Day (who was in a rotten mood, having just woken up from his speech-induced nap), over shouted them all, declaring that if they wouldn't quit bickering, he'd tell them How It All Ends and spoil History for everybody. What's more, he added, while he neither knew nor cared which Day was to blame for what, he did know that he wasn't particularly enamored with the way Today was shaping up.

A murmur of assent rippled through the crowd. At last, the Past and Future were in agreement!

And so the Days, thoroughly exhausted from all the fighting, voted unanimously to blame all their troubles and difficulties on Today, who was now sobbing pitifully some distance away.

And that is how it came to be that of the vast amount of Days that make up the mysterious creation called Time, Today is the very worst day of all.
Chabadtzke
Written by
Chabadtzke  19/M/New York
(19/M/New York)   
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