i thought i wasn't over it
but i just needed to give you closure -
an explanation of my sickness
and why i had to say, "it's over".

you would think it was your own sickness
that drove me to rediscover mine -
not the ways you would block the door,
desperate for more time.

the way you gripped my wrists
as you threw me on the bed
misplacing the once comforting dominance,
and making a mess of my head..

someone who was once so safe
and so gentle with his touch
turned into a frightening, scary version
of someone i try not to think about much.

i know that wasn't you that day,
or maybe it was you all along;
i try not to remember much about that version of you,
but it was then that you taught me to be strong.