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Oct 2020
She wasn’t there.
Not in this world,
not in another world,
nowhere.
So how did I see a woman that simply
Didn’t exist?

Beyond the bounds of reality,
Anything is possible.

The possibility of the one person I truly
Cared for the most not existing
To anyone but me.

I asked around.
My mother.
My father.
My own brain, even.
She didn’t exist,
So how was she standing right in front of me?
If only I knew, but I only got to know her.
Every day was a new adventure.
She took me to the movies to see a replay of her favorite.
We went to go get her favourite ice cream.
It was amazing.
We planned to get married, yknow?
But that was until I asked why she never hugged,
kissed,
or even let me hold her.

She told me you can’t hold someone who shouldn’t exist.
I told her she existed to me,
and she became real to herself.
It was strange when people started asking questions about her.
They all seemed to know her.
But all at once?
It was strange, and I hated it.
She soaked the attention from the relationship,
And loved existing.

I wished she didn’t exist.
And I began to disappear,
Natalie in my stead.
In my bed,
In my clothes,
In my room,
In my stolen body.
Written by
Toby Raines  15/FTM
(15/FTM)   
54
 
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