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Sep 21
One of my earliest memories,
was that of watching western movies.
I craved that consistency
The intangible prospect of
the same storyline,
the same happy endings,
that existed universally within them:
Cowboy gets the girl,
they ride away.

I knew they were just that:  
Fictional.
I never believed
in the idea that one could have
a fairytale ending,
like that.
I never believed  
in having hope,
like that.  
Until I met him.  
  
I called him cowboy.
I was his, as he was mine.
Every week I knew he would be waiting.
Rushing around,
he was full of the life and energy
that I needed the most
in those darkest of times.  

We spent every day that we could
Together, inseparable.
Laughter,
muffled in each other’s arms.
Sitting together for hours
our only worry,
would be the passing of the distant trains.

Falling into such a routine
became my hope,
My own happy ending.
As the world changes seasons
all things beautiful,
inevitably change.

I could smell his breath from across the truck,
thick and stagnant.
The girl had been my friend.
I had trusted her,
trusted them both more than life itself.
“How could you do this to me?”

The courage to say it effortlessly fills me,
I feel it leave my mouth
like petals in the wind.
Stuttering over his words
rendered meaningless,
his adrenaline drunken eyes
search my soul to form an answer,
to such a simple question.

“Get out,” he says.
My mouth quivers
trying to process his enraged words
He repeats himself,  
“You heard me. Get out of the truck.”
With the opening of this final cage door
and the fresh smell of diesel
left standing in the air
serenaded by the squeal of his tires,
I was left standing alone.

I was free at last.
With the dark silhouette of his truck against the sunset,
growing smaller and more distant,
he was gone.
The cowboy rides away,
this time leaving the girl.
This is really, really difficult for me to talk about-much less publish it to the general public. If you're reading this, I forgive you. I hope you're doing okay, and I just want you to know that I'll never stop loving.
Adri
Written by
Adri  16/F/Missouri, USA
(16/F/Missouri, USA)   
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