Another day on the Wheel of Monotony
I have become restless
Listless
A shell of a former being.
Repetitive ******* crowding my endless mind.
I don’t know who I am
I don’t know WHAT I am.
I am no longer human
My thoughts boom and dance in my consciousness
Beating me down mercilessly.
Never ending
Why will they not cease their torture?!
I’m no longer subject to the horrors of emotions
or the beauty of emotions.
I am floating
Through the fog that surrounds
People unknowingly.
I see it.
I see it so clearly its sometimes hard to make anything out
Beyond it.
***** me with a needle and I bleed
But I don’t notice it.
Day after day goes by
But I don’t notice it.
What is there to look forward to but
Never-ending blackness
Bleakness.
Hopelessness consumes and devours
And I pray to No One that it would swallow me up.
End my numb agony.
I dream of the black lake.
Untying my laces
Removing my shoes and finally feeling….
The cold and bitter bite of winter water
On my toes.
Then my feet.
Onward until there is nothing left of me on the surface.
I would sink down to the bottom
My body would convulse
And if instinct should kick in and I long for air
I would tie the reeds around my ankles…
And breathe in the murky water deep.
Until my universe becomes as dark as my mind.
And the Wheel of Monotony finally
Lovingly…
And joyously….
Stops spinning.