in maths i was told that numbers rule our lives,
that every detail can be measured, counted, put into figures and digits and statistics.
i laughed at the idea.
but now i believe there is some truth in those words,
that numbers are in fact the one thing that rules over our small existence,
be it the number of friends at the dinner table
celebrating a pay-rise or a birthday or simply just to compensate for the hours since they were last united.
or maybe this importance can be found
in the number of pounds in your back pocket
or the pounds of food on the table in front of you,
the amount of fuel you fill your body with,
the pounds that you shed as you decide you no longer need fuel
and the numbers in front of you begin to decrease.
there are numbers everywhere.
there are numbers at the tips of your fingers as you determine
how much you need,
counting out each tiny pill as you prepare to swallow them like candy
and finally get the sweet release you so desperately crave.
perhaps the numbers are found in the length of rope as you stand at the top
counting down from ten, anticipating
the grand finale, unless you take
from your maths lessons and decide instead to calculate the dimensions, the
length and the depth to travel with the blade as it so delicately graces your skin,
breaking the ice at last.

in maths i was told that numbers rule our lives,
but looking back, i think you’ll find that they rule more over death.