I wonder if you remember the night
When not that long ago
You nervously choked down beers
I sat in a red tube top
My hair beginning to grow.

It was that very same day
I acknowledged Alex was never coming back
No he was never coming back
For me.

I want newness
I don't want to entertain the past
Anymore
As I imagine it'll be you that comes across me first
It'll be you that spots me first from afar
With my bright blonde hair
And ability to make you feel.

I wonder what you think
When you think on me now
And how hard you shut the door
How loud you let me know
You didn't want to kiss me
Or be there for me
You were always better
Remotely.

Behind screens
I still think of you
As the man behind a screen
And I've gotten so strong in this time
I've been through so much during this time
Especially because
I did it all without you.

I wonder if we will ever see one another again
And I think of all of the men
I never saw again
Or if I did
How my whole body lit on fire
And I just have had to move on along
Let you mean nothing to me in the end.

Its been such a hard time for us all
I used to lament the feelings I felt
When I tried to convince
When I tried to maintain
When I hurt myself by staying with you
Or you.

Growth
Its no easy task
But I surrender to it with a knowing sigh
A little a lot
In time.