I was getting good at it
of convincing myself i've attained self-love
repeating the expression countless times when i'd rather hear nothing
scribbling small "i love you"s in pages i wouldn't get as far as to
even writing a reminder poem when there's doubt
i thought i had it
until the world demanded "let there be isolation"
living everday alone without anything to keep busy at
i finally gave in and see myself behind filters, without censors
and i saw no sign of love
but judgements, insecurity, unworthiness
even a notif from a family member saying they miss my presence
sparked indifference
because why would anyone want me by their side
a girl who's been pretending she got all self-respect to have
who knows who else she's giving fake love