She didn't know, at least at first,
exactly what she was getting herself into...
all she knew was that it felt good,
when all else felt bad,
it was easier to retreat to the few good moments,
to escape the tragedy that was her life,
to feel better, special, important,
even to feel smart and at times, beautiful.
She was none of those things then,
instead she was unhappy, abusive, disrespectful, abrupt, and selfish,
and she didn't grow to improve for some time.
For some time, she kept being bad and knew that she was being bad.
She never wanted to kiss him,
never wanted to touch him, or see him naked,
because there was no attraction,
he just helped her feel safe and less alone.
Otherwise, she did feel alone, scared, and misunderstood.
These feelings were overpowering and she needed an out,
and she wanted an escape,
and she let him touch her for some time,
she just let it happen,
and sometimes she did want it,
she craved it,
with her insides begging for it.
Back then, she didn't know this was natural,
she just felt disgrace each time.
On an average day,
she decided she wasn't going to do it anymore,
she no longer wanted to feel the shame that accompanied the good,
and just like that it turned to bad.
He fought her on this and she fought back,
never giving in,
deciding never to fade out again.
In finding her strength and will to change,
she found herself.
Now, she lives with the company of contentment,
filled with serenity,
in different ways.