I feel as though I comprehend language more than the act of communication itself I can recite definition and etymology Spell it out loud for you But understanding of language is no substitute for understanding of the other, to truly convey meaning
And oh, I crave to communicate but all I do is speak in my fight or flight of thought, deconstructing and analysing Oh do I crave to be understood
clanging against disequilibrium, Oh do I throw myself at the door and ****** my fists beating at it Oh do I scream and rip the handle clean off Oh do I cry and wish good wombs had borne better sons Oh I set the whole world on fire for its sins and seek forgiveness of mine
But I am unable to reach through the barrier I cannot touch or be touched with words the way human beings do I have miscomprehended everything all along And as much as I crave a saviour I have made peace That nobody will ever know me and that my words are all I have
echolaliac epileptic, easily defined by clinical terminology my body is cumbersome though my skin is thin the isolation disorder is double consciousness, watching through my own eyes, it is out of body and it is lonely (as am I)
the older I get the more I realize that my neurodevelopmental disorders affect me. I realize how different and lonely I am. I realize how people must have perceived me wrong all along and I don't know what to do with my past clinging to me like a chain around my ankle.