The law of attraction says that you attract what you think.
So, there's a chance you're attracted to me
because I think about you often.
Except the law of attraction fails
when walking into a sliding glass door.
Ever done that?
It's like stubbing your toe, only it's your face.
And though it's your face that takes the hit,
it really just hurts your spirit.
Nothing about it looks attractive.
Like the other day, a hawk — a widely respected bird of prey —
flew straight into my office window
with a humiliating thud
because it thought the reflection it saw
was more sky.
Hawks are supposed to see everything!
So the law of attraction
It promotes crash landings.
Or at the least, awkward tripping
or the lines we drew in sidewalk chalk.
It's just a friendly game of four square, right?
I’ll wait to step into your circle
only to stumble and fall for you
with a humiliating thud.
sorry, did you hear something?
It sounded faintly like a dream just shattered,
but I think you said this is your fiance.
I hope your wedding has an open bar.
I mean, I hope your wedding sets the bar
to reach limitless heights.
And don’t mind the mess. I’ll just sweep it up like nothing happened and catch up with you love birds later (never) - watch out for the glass.
This law sounds a lot like gravity, and it too
is flawed because people fall
for people that don't fall back.
And then you get the odd man out
walking into closed doors and wanting to curse on impact,
but I will hold my tongue.
Because cursing will attract curses.
Instead, I'll bring gifts — I know,
a stuffed teddy bird —
and I'll leave one at the foot
of every sliding glass door
that doesn't open.
I realize that sounds creepy.
So I’ll just leave them by the window
where I can watch the moon I shot for
behind the clouds.
Until another blind hawk goes down.
Then it's a less attractive view.
It's hard to get sleep in an empty bed,
to wake up in front of a fake tree in late January
and open the gifts I never got to give.
The law of attraction:
it’s an ugly Christmas sweater.
If I can't attract who I think,
then I'll repel the cold that I feel
until I'm convinced that this empty feeling
is freedom - the kind that precedes flight.
I believe in defying the gravity of my emotions.
Therefore, I don't believe in laws.
They just break.
I once believed in marriage
until it broke
and I want my daughter
to believe it was no one’s fault
This is a lawless country — think feudal Japan —
where lovers are fighters and who is to tell the masterless heart what to do.
It's a teenager
who never made it past high school
because it keeps skipping class.
Fear not: I am a grown up.
I am too old to be falling
for the pseudoscience of false hope
even if our chemistry doesn't lie.
Except our math doesn't add up.
And my history is an essay on wartime aviation
crumpled and thrown out of an open window
because I used the word 'alone' too many times
to describe what it feels like to fly solo
Alone means nothing on paper
It should be torn in half:
All and One no longer together
Anything that isn't one
must be in pieces,
and being with some One
is not the end all, be all
God was a lonely man for Christ sake
I’ll think of other words:
Alone, all one, no.
Thinking attracts no one.
I'll make up a new law:
don't think. Move
Just not near anything made of glass.
It’s bad for the birds.
I got nothing but love for the birds.