I want you to think of me.
I hate that I want that –
That I’m thinking of you
Long enough for me to want
You to return the favor.
But here’s the thing:
I haven’t been sleeping;
Every time I close
My eyes I think of your
Eyes and your
Face and how much
I want to punch that face
In its jaw.
My anger ridden insomnia
Cannot be explained
By anything other
Then the fact that
You drive me insane
To the point where
I want nothing more than
To have you lying next to
Me in my bed,
Your arms around my waist,
Your breath on my neck,
So I can roll over
And, so easily,
Punch you
In the jaw.
Because you’re a *******.
You’ve been an ***
And your *** hasn’t
Bothered to ask me what’s
Wrong.
What’s wrong is obviously
You
And there’s no way
You
Don’t know that
But you still let my anger
Simmer
And
Boil
And
Seethe
And act like I’m the one
Making a ‘big deal
Of things’.
Well listen to me
You little ****.
I hope to god you
Know what it feels like
To have someone stuck
On your mind constantly.
I want you to think of me
When you’re driving your car
Or lying in bed
Or with someone else.
I want to be on your mind
Incessantly
And I want it
To drive you
Crazy.
Because you’re well aware
That something could have happened
If you hadn’t tried to take
Advantage of what you
Had.
I want you to know
That you’re the one that
****** up.
Not me.
For once,
It was not me.
Because I tried so hard
And you acted like my concerns
Were meaningless and
My words were suggestions.
I hate that I still think of you
When things were so close
To being so unimaginably
Bad.
It’s terrifying.
It’s terrifying that
My need for you almost
Led to pain
And fear
And hatred
That I know all too well.
I hate that you
Made me relive a
Panic that I’ve avoided
For years.
Whether or not you’re cognizant
Of what you did –
It doesn’t matter.
It happened.
It almost kept happening.
Do you realize that?
I hate that I’m thinking of you
When you turned my feelings,
The good ones I’ve worked
For so long to be able
To feel again,
Into dread.
You did that.
And I hope that,
When you’re thinking of me,
You realize that.
You realize what you did wrong
And you never
Ever
Do it to anyone else again.