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Dec 2019
Sometimes I wish I married the first person I dated
And he treated me nicely
And I knew what it was like to be taken care of
I wish our first kiss was my first kiss
And it was sweet and simple
And when it came time for ***, he was gentle
And he didn’t mind when I got a little nervous in crowds or in the car wash
And he knew what to do when the rain cloud decided to show up  
He knew what would make me smile, he wouldn’t care if it took awhile
He wouldn’t care if I was quiet or loud or silly

I wish I didn’t have to go through what I did
I wish I made better choices in men
I wish my first kiss wasn’t sexually charged
I wish I wasn’t hurt the way I was hurt
I wish I didn’t flinch when any man nonchalantly raises his hand
I wish that I didn’t have to pick the pieces up and reassemble with some new additional pieces
I wish I didn’t have to continuously reintroduce myself to me
I wish they didn’t try to control, manipulate, and put me in a box
I wish they just accepted me for me

But they didn’t
And now I have some stories
And quite a bit of baggage
Now I know better
But I didn’t have to go through that
I didn’t want to go through that
I just want to start over
The thing is;
I don’t think the first person who dated me would want to date me
Because I am not that person anymore
She is gone
Nebraska Sinclair
Written by
Nebraska Sinclair  26/F
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