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Apr 2013
I stop and listen………I look around me and see there is no one there.
It is quiet very quiet I can hear myself breathing…..Now. I am feeling,
Feeling this strong pain, but I do not know where the pain is coming from.
All I know that is unbearable. It hurts, it really hurts, and I want it to stop.
I fell to my knees helplessly due to the pain I feel, but I still do not know
Why am I feeling pain? Why does it hurt? Why do I feel weak? Why is it
Happening to me? What did I do to deserve so much hurt and pain?
Then In a split second I realize where the pain is coming from.
I slowly placed my hand on my chest. I can feel a slow beat ….I scream out in terror as the pain increases. The pain! The pain is coming from my chest. But what? What can be causing the pain in my chest? I fell backwards feeling the cold ground. Looking up at the dark sky and the only thing shining on me is the moonlight of the dark blue moon that I see. My vision is starting to turn blurry; I think is because of the pain. I just lay there trying to think trying to figure out what can it be that causing the pain in my chest? What can it be? Then I close my eyes thinking that death will soon reach me. I stay completely quiet. I didn’t even make one sound. I just let the tears flow the wet cold tears run from my face, and then. I remember …. I remember …. I remember what is causing the pain …….how can I forget? Wait! I choose to forget. Because all it brought me was misery and pain ….so much pain so much hurt, but it also brought me happiness and love, but yet Then the same happiness and love turn to grief then it turn into deep really deep scars of pain ….. So now I know why I am feeling pain I try it again I had used it one more time. I had so much hope so much desire, and now ……it left me with pain. it left me with pain. I feel all my deep scars opening again I can feel it penetrating through my chest, and it hurts. It hurt so badly. I just want to die. I just want to rip it out. I just want to take it out my chest. I want it to be gone. I don’t want it anymore. Do you hear me? I don’t want it anymore!
I don’t want to be happy! I don’t want to smile! I don’t want to love! I don’t want to be love! You know why because in the end I will be left alone. I will be left alone with all these painful scars, I will be left alone with the pain that I am feeling now, so please just take it away. Just take it away. I open my eyes one more time to see the moon, but all I saw was darkness just pure darkness, and then. I rip it out. I rip out the thing that was causing all that hurt and pain. That was causing all that suffering and misery. You know what it was. It was my heart …………… was my heart. And then I close my eyes and I let the last tears fell from my eyes, and then I died. Right there all alone on that cold floor with my heart in my hand…… all alone.
Bianca Hodge
Written by
Bianca Hodge  26/F/Netherlands
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