Sometimes, it really feels like I’m going under
Like the last part of me that was still whole
The final, tiny particle that survived the emotional purge that was falling in love with you
Would start to crackle, bit by bit
And every small piece would echo through my body
As they fell down to the pit of my stomach
And set in stone that from that day on, that I would never be whole again
And I thought, maybe one day, I would love again
But it would never be the same
I could still feel the pieces at the bottom of my stomach whenever I moved
Hear them clink together and rustle every time I bent over to kiss him
The New One
The replacement
The one that reminded me of you when he laughed
Not because it sounded like you
But because it made me miss your laugh endlessly more
The one who could never be enough
The one who would eventually be known as
“He who proved I could only love you”
Because that is all anyone would ever be
Proof that those pieces would never dissolve
Never stop making sound
Never stop making themselves known when I stretch out and reach for a bottle of new love
Another love
Which I am not sure even is that
Because if there is anything you taught me
It is that it’s very hard to fall in love
With a heart that lies crackled
In the pit of your stomach.