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Nov 2019
It’s because of you this happened
Everything is because of you
And her
My mother
Because she didn’t protect me
And because you didn’t care about me
It’s because of you that I’m always scared
And mad
Mad that this happened to me
When God knows it shouldn’t have
I have no job experience
I have no volunteer experience
Because I sat in that house neglected for entire days by myself with no means of transportation
The only volunteer experience I have was with you when you molested me
And I’m not putting that down
So thank you
Thank you for making me cry in random classes at random times of the day
Because I can’t stop thinking about what you did to me
Now I can’t finish my homework
Because I don’t know what to put down
I’m writing this so I don’t get emotional
When I shouldn’t be
Because nothing is wrong anymore
I’m not hungry anymore
I’m not by myself
And I don’t have to be scared of you anymore
But I still am
And I wish I wasn’t
I wish that I was normal
And I had a real chance to survive in this world like everyone else did
I wish that I would have taken chances
I wish that I would have told sooner
I wish that my mom would’ve cared enough to help me
But she didn’t and I didn’t and you didn’t
No one did anything
And now I’m here
In this class
Writing this
When I should be doing my homework
Angry, When I should be happy
Remembering what never should have happened
I really don’t know what to put down
Because I just don’t
And I don’t want to put your name down
Your name makes me ***** in my mouth
I hate you
I wish you would just drop over dead
But I know God doesn’t want me to do that
He wants me to pray for you
But I don’t know if I can
Because I don’t wish anything good for you
I wish you everything you have ever done to me or my family ten times over
I wish you ever word, every touch bite against skin brass knuckles bruised lips from not speaking a word
I wish you all the hell you ever did on to me
I wish you a lifetime of tears
I wish you poor body image and low self esteem
I wish you every tear I ever shed because of you
In an ocean that would drown you
But because I’m a good person
I wish you realization
Correction
I wish you not a happy time
But a time of learning
Nola Leech
Written by
Nola Leech  18/Cisgender Female
(18/Cisgender Female)   
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