Mar 2013
Shock
Oh no
The world's let go.
The rug pulled out
And I'm suspended.
Silent screams and haunted dreams,
I cram a thousand words into my skull,
Hoping that the pain will dull.
And I see no one
Even when other eyelashes
Brush my brow.
2. Denial (Epitaph I)
There is only so long
You can gaze into the mirror
And insist that you see nothing.
Maybe if I try harder...
Maybe if I change myself...
Maybe if I abandon everything and risk...
Maybe she'll come back
To me.
3. Grief
words
just don't
approach it
4. Rage
I touch no one
And no one touches me.
And I will burn you all to ash
Because you can't be
Who I need.
5. Hell
There is nothing I want.
There is only this day
This second
This survival.
There is no higher purpose.
There is only revenge
And suffering and cruelty.
Turn and burn and learn
To sit stewing ugly in your hate
And wear a saccharine smile
On a lovely face.
6. Acceptance
It's not gone.
It's not fixed.
But might as well try
Since there are decades left...
7. Relapse
For a golden moment
In the heat of summer
You loved me like I deserve.
Like you deserve.
Like we deserve.
For a shining second,
I might have been
Your choice.
8. Fear
To know you're close,
Holding my hand
But looking about
For another to reach for
Feels like
Decay.
9. Denial (Epitaph II)
No matter how many times I make you say it
I cannot make you mean it.
Fickle and cruel,
You chose me and backpedaled,
Flailing like a drown-victim
On her knees in a puddle,
And snapped back, elastic band heart,
To reject me twice.
10. Shackles
There is nowhere I can go
Where I do not feel trapped.
Here, there, every nook,
Full of barbed wire and broken glass.
Tightrope walker
With a safety net of needles.
You know not what it is
To die alive.
11. Choices
Nowhere to run.
Few places to hide.
Can I choose
Each day of my life
To twist the knife?
To love a soul in hell
When I could like one
In paradise?
12. Anger
You don't deserve a love like mine
When you'd choose anyone else first
And lie to me as if I'm special.
Sometimes your cruelty makes me sick
And I think it makes you sick
As well.
13. Acceptance
You're gone
And you may never return,
But I would be lying,
An awful traitor to my soul,
Were I to say I'll love another-
Let me burn**.
Oh no
The world's let go.
The rug pulled out
And I'm suspended.
Silent screams and haunted dreams,
I cram a thousand words into my skull,
Hoping that the pain will dull.
And I see no one
Even when other eyelashes
Brush my brow.
2. Denial (Epitaph I)
There is only so long
You can gaze into the mirror
And insist that you see nothing.
Maybe if I try harder...
Maybe if I change myself...
Maybe if I abandon everything and risk...
Maybe she'll come back
To me.
3. Grief
words
just don't
approach it
4. Rage
I touch no one
And no one touches me.
And I will burn you all to ash
Because you can't be
Who I need.
5. Hell
There is nothing I want.
There is only this day
This second
This survival.
There is no higher purpose.
There is only revenge
And suffering and cruelty.
Turn and burn and learn
To sit stewing ugly in your hate
And wear a saccharine smile
On a lovely face.
6. Acceptance
It's not gone.
It's not fixed.
But might as well try
Since there are decades left...
7. Relapse
For a golden moment
In the heat of summer
You loved me like I deserve.
Like you deserve.
Like we deserve.
For a shining second,
I might have been
Your choice.
8. Fear
To know you're close,
Holding my hand
But looking about
For another to reach for
Feels like
Decay.
9. Denial (Epitaph II)
No matter how many times I make you say it
I cannot make you mean it.
Fickle and cruel,
You chose me and backpedaled,
Flailing like a drown-victim
On her knees in a puddle,
And snapped back, elastic band heart,
To reject me twice.
10. Shackles
There is nowhere I can go
Where I do not feel trapped.
Here, there, every nook,
Full of barbed wire and broken glass.
Tightrope walker
With a safety net of needles.
You know not what it is
To die alive.
11. Choices
Nowhere to run.
Few places to hide.
Can I choose
Each day of my life
To twist the knife?
To love a soul in hell
When I could like one
In paradise?
12. Anger
You don't deserve a love like mine
When you'd choose anyone else first
And lie to me as if I'm special.
Sometimes your cruelty makes me sick
And I think it makes you sick
As well.
13. Acceptance
You're gone
And you may never return,
But I would be lying,
An awful traitor to my soul,
Were I to say I'll love another-
Let me burn**.
