i am afraid of

"what will happen?"

when we say goodbye.

i am afraid of

"how will i feel with this pain?"

i hold inside.

*    *    *

i haven't opened up to
another in so long
i've begun to realize
i'm not as strong
as i thought i've been
through all these years
i should have known
based off all the tears
i've cried for reasons
i have no words to explain
all i want is to
be in control of my brain
emotions make me feel
entirely overwhelmed
my only defense now
is to hide in my own shell
i want to feel better
than how i think of myself
i know it is possible
for me to learn how to help
my own thought process out
of this hole that i've dug
maybe i can start by
holding myself in a hug